Do not go gentle into that good night

      Another week gone by. Another gauntlet run, another set of trials by fire, another span of time to try a man's soul. What can change in a week? Some might answer almost nothing, others a fair amount. But the truth is, a week is vast. Its a sea of time, of decisions, and of words. It is within the space of seconds, mere drops in the ocean that everything can change. The wrong tack taken, a rogue wave on the broadside. In the space of a single moment floating in time, all can be capsized. Certainties. Assumptions. Long-held truths. One word. One fluid second. And all is changed.

      Everything changed. The culture that I had begun to learn and integrate into is gone now. It is much different here in the South. It is one of the strangest feelings to have culture shock in reference to a culture that is not your own. Then it stacks on to your cultural differences to your home country and makes everything rather confusing. To have your life radically change twice in two months is definitely a new experience. I was worried about the scale of the change and the fact that I had to start everything over again. Despite the difficulties, I feel good that I had the opportunity to make the move. Now, I get to experience a whole new part of Germany, with a culture and landscape most definitively different from my first location.

      The land here raptures me. The soaring peaks draped in white snow with the green of the foothills below are truly works of profound beauty. The Alps seem to be sentinels of history, the fields below their scions. Looking at the majesty of the mountains each day is an experience that is unrivaled by anything else. I love living in Oberbayern.

      In the end though, knowing nothing seems to be fine. The great looming fear of the unknown is something that should never rule your life. It shouldn't stop you from following your dreams. You can survive in the safety of your known world. But that is not living. Life is found in that great Unknown. Life is the Unknown. 

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

The Second First Week: Bayern Edition

     The last two weeks have unleashed a veritable flash flood of change in my life in Germany. The contrasts between my life in Berlin and my life now in Bayern can only be properly described in the stark contrasts of opposites. From a seemingly endless plain of flatness, to the soaring Alps spread out before me. From the city life of Berlin to the village life of Bernau. From the odd house cat as the largest animal in sight, to a dairy farm. From the strictly Hoch Deutsch school to the rapid Bayrisch coming at me from all quarters. It is completely different now. But, for me personally, it is better. I am happy here. There is space. There is nature. There is peace. And my host family is amazing.

      The journey to Bayern was quite an adventure courtesy of the lovely people at Deutsche Bahn. The trip started at ten in the morning lugging a 30 kilogram suitcase on a bus and ended at a little past one in the morning when I finally arrived to my new home. There was a strike. Again. Every time I need to take a train across the country there is a strike. Thank you Deutsche Bahn. Thank you. An eight hour trip was turned into fifteen.

      Up to this point my time in Germany has been a roller coaster in an innumerable amount of ways. Just recently, I have been hit at random times by longings for the oddest things. It has been everything from ice to marching band. Seemingly tiny parts of life at home are what I have missed the most. You would think that it would be huge obvious things, but its not. It is that feeling of being comfortable. It is that assurance that you know what is going on. When you lose those confidences, you feel lost. You start to feel as if you have no control over what is happening around you. It is both immensely humbling and scary. It is not any normal form of fear though. It is the fear of the disconnect. It is an ever present canyon rim a few bad days to your right as you walk along this lonely road.

      It is with this that you truly realize the value of your friends. The ones back home that still take time to talk to you. The new Germans that have taken you in. Your host family. And the other exchange students. The people that truly understand what you are going through and will put up with you at two in the morning talking about your lack of bread. I am so thankful for them. They have made this experience one for a lifetime.

      Oh yeah, school happened. It was school.

      I would like to thank all the people in Berlin that helped make my experience amazing. My host family. My friends from school who were absolutely amazing and made me feel like I belonged. My language school class and the other classes who let me go out with them. And of course the other exchange students that I had unforgettable adventures with. Danke schön. I hope we meet again soon.

Germany: The Fifth Week: The First Week of School and Other Stories

      This past Monday I started German high school. On that first morning, I was filled with trepidation. School in the U.S. is decidedly not exactly fun, and I was nervous to find out how it would play out in Germany. The first day went about as well as I could have ever hoped. I talked to most of my class, and followed most of what was taught. All of them are unbelievably nice and made the first week of school go by quickly.

      My school schedule is fairly simple in terms of block scheduling. I have one double hour class and one single hour class per week of the core subjects. The non-core required subjects get one double hour class per week. Then, I have three additional double hours for three electives once per week. There are twenty minute breaks between each double hour class, and a thirty minute break around lunch time. I am placed in eleventh grade here, and stay with the same class for all but my three elective classes. This first week was a little difficult because of the new room numbering system, and the let's say, "non-traditional" layout of the school. I made it through each day without any major problems, save one. Every day, I felt exhausted when I got up, exhausted at school, exhausted when I got home, and exhausted when I went to bed. My new constant companion in life has been exhaustion. Before I started school, I had heard stories of this from some certain other individuals within AFS Germany. I will admit, at points I did not completely comprehend the gravity of their words. For that, certain unnamed individual, I deeply apologize.
       
      Looking back on the last seven days, it seems to me that they have been some of the most difficult of my life. From school, to the eternal state of exhaustion, and other happenings all have served to collide in an insane juxtaposition of happenstance to cause a heretofore unimaginable Perfect Storm of events. I would like to reiterate one point: this sure ain't a picnic. (Well... I was at a picnic in Gleisdreieck last Sunday.. but that is another story) This past week has been tough, but I made it through, and am ready for what the next one shall bring to bear.

      At the Gateway Orientation they talk about all sorts of helpful tidbits of life in Germany that, as you are sitting there seem rather nebulous. However inane they seemed then, now, most of them have come to fruition. (So boys and girls, pay attention at Gateway Orientations.) One point made that has continued to strike me, is the shifting of goals. When you arrive, your mind has all these grandiose ideas of what true success will be like on exchange. E.g. "I will speak perfect German within one month of arriving", or "Everyone is going to understand what I am saying and not constantly respond to me in English." Well, I lost all of those lofty goals within about 24 hours of arrival. The tiniest victories are what you have to seize upon. When you shift from "I will master the Berlin transit system", to "Well..., I didn't get THAT lost tonight," or "I will sample every döner I see," to "That is just impossible in addition to being absolutely foolhardy and just plain unhealthy." It is then that you can start to appreciate what you are accomplishing. It is when you are saying to yourself, "My, either my German or my miming has improved enough to allow me to go through Aldi without speaking English," or "I think I just had an actual conversation about either geopolitics or football, I am not completely sure which with that drunk guy at the bus stop."

      This journey has just begun. I still have high and mighty goals, but now I have realistic expectations of how long it is going to take to accomplish them. As time goes on, they will hopefully become ever closer to reality. But in the mean time, I can rest assured on one point: I am going to be pro at Charades when I get home.

      I would like to thank my Hobbit for forcing me, under duress, to promise to write this post. Without that strong encouragement and extrinsic motivation, it could have been a long while before an update.