Weihnachten mit ein bissel Chaos

      Ich begrüße Sie von Oberbayern. Yuletide is now upon us, for some at last, and for others like me; What happened to three and a half months?... Considering how much has happened in last few months it is surprising that the time has disappeared so quickly. It is starting to feel like quicksilver in my hands. I am again running out of time in my new home. Where I will emerge again is yet unknown.

       Since the 30th of October much has happened. I almost memorized my school schedule. I saw Frankfurt and Munich. I made new friends. Some new people came into my life while others took their bows. I ate more pretzels than I care to admit. I finished college applications. I visited more Weihnachtsmärkte than I thought possible.

       Christmas markets are a mainstay of life from the first week of December on in Germany. They are a sea of humanity as Christmas draws nearer. The Nürnberg market is one of the best known. It is massive, covering most of the old city from church to church. It was an unforgettable experience.

Nürnberg

 Tollwood (Munich)

     The past few months have been a patchwork of experiences. I have found the greatest happiness in my best friend, and have been into the valley of sadness and disappointment as some things dissolve. Again, I think of that oft quoted piece exchange jargon, "Exchange isn't a year in a life, it is a life in a year." Never before has it seemed to be more true. Everything is accelerated to a break-neck pace. You have to be careful to not let things fly past you. Quite simply put, it is one hell of a ride. 

  

As this Christmas comes and goes I remember this from my childhood:   

    

    But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight-

    Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

Goodnight Bayern.

Goodnight Doug.

  

Griasdi

Hi Mar

Do not go gentle into that good night

      Another week gone by. Another gauntlet run, another set of trials by fire, another span of time to try a man's soul. What can change in a week? Some might answer almost nothing, others a fair amount. But the truth is, a week is vast. Its a sea of time, of decisions, and of words. It is within the space of seconds, mere drops in the ocean that everything can change. The wrong tack taken, a rogue wave on the broadside. In the space of a single moment floating in time, all can be capsized. Certainties. Assumptions. Long-held truths. One word. One fluid second. And all is changed.

      Everything changed. The culture that I had begun to learn and integrate into is gone now. It is much different here in the South. It is one of the strangest feelings to have culture shock in reference to a culture that is not your own. Then it stacks on to your cultural differences to your home country and makes everything rather confusing. To have your life radically change twice in two months is definitely a new experience. I was worried about the scale of the change and the fact that I had to start everything over again. Despite the difficulties, I feel good that I had the opportunity to make the move. Now, I get to experience a whole new part of Germany, with a culture and landscape most definitively different from my first location.

      The land here raptures me. The soaring peaks draped in white snow with the green of the foothills below are truly works of profound beauty. The Alps seem to be sentinels of history, the fields below their scions. Looking at the majesty of the mountains each day is an experience that is unrivaled by anything else. I love living in Oberbayern.

      In the end though, knowing nothing seems to be fine. The great looming fear of the unknown is something that should never rule your life. It shouldn't stop you from following your dreams. You can survive in the safety of your known world. But that is not living. Life is found in that great Unknown. Life is the Unknown. 

Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

The Second First Week: Bayern Edition

     The last two weeks have unleashed a veritable flash flood of change in my life in Germany. The contrasts between my life in Berlin and my life now in Bayern can only be properly described in the stark contrasts of opposites. From a seemingly endless plain of flatness, to the soaring Alps spread out before me. From the city life of Berlin to the village life of Bernau. From the odd house cat as the largest animal in sight, to a dairy farm. From the strictly Hoch Deutsch school to the rapid Bayrisch coming at me from all quarters. It is completely different now. But, for me personally, it is better. I am happy here. There is space. There is nature. There is peace. And my host family is amazing.

      The journey to Bayern was quite an adventure courtesy of the lovely people at Deutsche Bahn. The trip started at ten in the morning lugging a 30 kilogram suitcase on a bus and ended at a little past one in the morning when I finally arrived to my new home. There was a strike. Again. Every time I need to take a train across the country there is a strike. Thank you Deutsche Bahn. Thank you. An eight hour trip was turned into fifteen.

      Up to this point my time in Germany has been a roller coaster in an innumerable amount of ways. Just recently, I have been hit at random times by longings for the oddest things. It has been everything from ice to marching band. Seemingly tiny parts of life at home are what I have missed the most. You would think that it would be huge obvious things, but its not. It is that feeling of being comfortable. It is that assurance that you know what is going on. When you lose those confidences, you feel lost. You start to feel as if you have no control over what is happening around you. It is both immensely humbling and scary. It is not any normal form of fear though. It is the fear of the disconnect. It is an ever present canyon rim a few bad days to your right as you walk along this lonely road.

      It is with this that you truly realize the value of your friends. The ones back home that still take time to talk to you. The new Germans that have taken you in. Your host family. And the other exchange students. The people that truly understand what you are going through and will put up with you at two in the morning talking about your lack of bread. I am so thankful for them. They have made this experience one for a lifetime.

      Oh yeah, school happened. It was school.

      I would like to thank all the people in Berlin that helped make my experience amazing. My host family. My friends from school who were absolutely amazing and made me feel like I belonged. My language school class and the other classes who let me go out with them. And of course the other exchange students that I had unforgettable adventures with. Danke schön. I hope we meet again soon.

Germany: The Fifth Week: The First Week of School and Other Stories

      This past Monday I started German high school. On that first morning, I was filled with trepidation. School in the U.S. is decidedly not exactly fun, and I was nervous to find out how it would play out in Germany. The first day went about as well as I could have ever hoped. I talked to most of my class, and followed most of what was taught. All of them are unbelievably nice and made the first week of school go by quickly.

      My school schedule is fairly simple in terms of block scheduling. I have one double hour class and one single hour class per week of the core subjects. The non-core required subjects get one double hour class per week. Then, I have three additional double hours for three electives once per week. There are twenty minute breaks between each double hour class, and a thirty minute break around lunch time. I am placed in eleventh grade here, and stay with the same class for all but my three elective classes. This first week was a little difficult because of the new room numbering system, and the let's say, "non-traditional" layout of the school. I made it through each day without any major problems, save one. Every day, I felt exhausted when I got up, exhausted at school, exhausted when I got home, and exhausted when I went to bed. My new constant companion in life has been exhaustion. Before I started school, I had heard stories of this from some certain other individuals within AFS Germany. I will admit, at points I did not completely comprehend the gravity of their words. For that, certain unnamed individual, I deeply apologize.
       
      Looking back on the last seven days, it seems to me that they have been some of the most difficult of my life. From school, to the eternal state of exhaustion, and other happenings all have served to collide in an insane juxtaposition of happenstance to cause a heretofore unimaginable Perfect Storm of events. I would like to reiterate one point: this sure ain't a picnic. (Well... I was at a picnic in Gleisdreieck last Sunday.. but that is another story) This past week has been tough, but I made it through, and am ready for what the next one shall bring to bear.

      At the Gateway Orientation they talk about all sorts of helpful tidbits of life in Germany that, as you are sitting there seem rather nebulous. However inane they seemed then, now, most of them have come to fruition. (So boys and girls, pay attention at Gateway Orientations.) One point made that has continued to strike me, is the shifting of goals. When you arrive, your mind has all these grandiose ideas of what true success will be like on exchange. E.g. "I will speak perfect German within one month of arriving", or "Everyone is going to understand what I am saying and not constantly respond to me in English." Well, I lost all of those lofty goals within about 24 hours of arrival. The tiniest victories are what you have to seize upon. When you shift from "I will master the Berlin transit system", to "Well..., I didn't get THAT lost tonight," or "I will sample every döner I see," to "That is just impossible in addition to being absolutely foolhardy and just plain unhealthy." It is then that you can start to appreciate what you are accomplishing. It is when you are saying to yourself, "My, either my German or my miming has improved enough to allow me to go through Aldi without speaking English," or "I think I just had an actual conversation about either geopolitics or football, I am not completely sure which with that drunk guy at the bus stop."

      This journey has just begun. I still have high and mighty goals, but now I have realistic expectations of how long it is going to take to accomplish them. As time goes on, they will hopefully become ever closer to reality. But in the mean time, I can rest assured on one point: I am going to be pro at Charades when I get home.

      I would like to thank my Hobbit for forcing me, under duress, to promise to write this post. Without that strong encouragement and extrinsic motivation, it could have been a long while before an update.

Germany: The First Days

So. It certainly has been a while since I have posted as I was kindly reminded. The last few weeks have been a blur of sights, sounds, smells, emotions, and badly pronounced German. From the start of my journey in Cleveland, to D.C. and the pre-departure orientation, to the flight to Frankfurt and the amazingly long day that I had, all of that, could not compare to what lay ahead for me in Berlin. I remember the first day clearly through a haze. It felt surreal. Suddenly, there were all these people talking to me in German. I do not know why, as I was in Germany, but that fact shocked me deeply. All the rest of the culture shock was still to come though. My first day out in Germany was spent at I.F.A. The largest public consumer electronics show in Europe, if not the world. The main thing that I love about I.F.A is that you can actually try out the items that are being exhibited. Sennheiser allowed you to listen to one of its examples of one of the most advanced head phone systems ever made: The Orpheus. It was a shining mass of chrome and vacuum tubes. The sound of it matched the glory of its appearance.

      The rest of the day was spent seeing the rest, a goal that even after eight hours and ten kilometers of walking was not accomplished. The day after that, language school began. My host brother took me to the school in the morning and told me which bus stops and lines to use as well as the same for the UBahn. When I came home I remembered the proper UBahn line and stops, but I only remembered which bus line. I also did not know where the bus stop was at the UBahn stop. So, I walked down the street which I knew the bus took towards my town for twenty minutes until I found a stop for my bus line. I got on the bus feeling proud of myself, that is until I remembered that I did not remember what the name of the stop was to go to my house. I spent the whole bus ride looking out the window trying to remember what my stop looked like. Eventually I saw it, but the bus did not stop, because apparently, you have to press the stop button to get the bus to stop. (I would like to say that as a suburban midwesterner I have never ridden a city bus before, although I do admit that a stop button should be self explanatory.) It did stop at the next one though. I got off and found my way home with the help of my host father, who had seen me go past the right stop and ran up to meet me. It seemed like a big deal at the time, but now, just a few weeks later, I cannot help but to laugh at myself for messing up one of the simplest things possible. Now, I know better and can actually use the public transport fairly effectively. 

      

      Language school rolled on regularly imparting new knowledge and reawakening much forgotten knowledge from my years of German class. The fun part though, was exploring Berlin when I had free time. I have seen Checkpoint Charlie, Alexanderplatz, the Holocaust Memorial, Potsdamerplatz, and Sansoucci Palace to name but few of the many landmarks that I have been to. The sights have been truly amazing. 

      Despite all of airs that are put on to maintain a facade of absolute happiness during exchange, even in these first few weeks I can assure all that it is not easy in any way. It is not some T.V. show-esque parade of happiness. You feel lonely, you feel confused, and you wander the streets sometimes having absolutely no idea what is going on. The language is difficult, and once you think you can complete a simple task, something goes wrong to ensure that it does not go smoothly. The smallest successes seem like huge victories. e.g. "I finally ordered a döner entirely in german!" Despite all of the hardship, the entire experience is more than worth it, already I can feel myself changing, and growing as an individual. You learn a lot about yourself when you are exhausted and mixing up two languages constantly. Sometimes, you make little revelations as you are thinking about someone in one of the most beautiful buildings on Earth, that it is not really the places that you visit or the things that you buy that live on in your memory; but rather it is the people that you were there with, the people that you shared the experience, and the thoughts, and the words, and perhaps most importantly the feelings with. It is the people that you meet over the entire process that make the exchange experience worth it. And therein lies the value of exchange programs, their true value lies in their ability to not just speak to people, but to their hearts and minds.

The Last of the Lasts

      This is the last night in my childhood home for at least ten months. That alone is mind-boggling enough to give me great pause, let alone taking into account everything else that has, is, and is going to be happening in the space of 24 hours. In these hours I have packed, made final preparations, and will say my final good byes to my family at the airport before taking off for events and lands unknown. This is my swan song for now to Akron, to Ohio, and to the United States of America. However, this is also the first of the firsts, a virtual new beginning. First flight alone, first time meeting the rest of AFS CBYX, first time meeting the other AFS Americans going to Germany I have talked to over the past few months, the first time flying over the Atlantic, the first time in Europe, the first time in Germany! Then the firsts will cascade into a non-stop avalanche, until, at some point they will cease to be firsts, and begin to again become lasts. This exchange is a journey, and journeys are cycles. But for now, I cannot prognosticate on those or these events that are ever coming; I must live them. And that is the nature of this beast. Now. Now we go forth into the unknown.

Train of Reality

      Today was one of those days when the reality that things are changing really hits you in the face. Today, I took three finals to complete my online classes. That leaves only AP English between me and Graduation. As I was walking out of the school, it felt weird to think that that was one of the last times I would be in that building as a student. I have felt this before on the last days of fourth grade and eighth grade, but this time it was much different. This time, I'm not just going into some new mildly risk free environment, this time I am going into the real world. Germany and college feel tangible now. Even a few months ago, none of this seemed real. It was just an event in the unseen future. Now I am marching ceaselessly towards it, as if I am on an unstoppable collision course with it. With this new certainty, Germany finally feels, seems, and is real to me. It is actually happening. I am beyond excited.
       With this new acceptance, seemingly minor events that would usually seem rather insignificant hold new meaning. One example of such is that today, my audio system in its current iteration was played for the final time.

     Then it was taken apart, and the components moved to their new homes. Its swan song holds a huge amount of meaning to me. It talks about childhood dreams, and leaving that safe place of youth and venturing out into the world. Finally, it talks about even when you are weary of everything you do, you still look to that horizon and run for it. High Hopes was indeed the fitting final song for an audio system that has been with me through so much, and will be with me in different iterations and combinations as time, as life goes on.

      Now, I have 24 days left in Ohio before I take off to a new continent. There is still some uncertainty because I do not have a host family as of yet. That is nerve-wracking. Now, it is time to wait; it is out of my hands now. I just need to maintain some semblance of patience.

      In the Middle Earth that is this exchange, there is some news.  Every now and then a Hobbit comes along, who makes the waiting a little easier, even enjoyable. And our aforementioned Latvian is going. Everything worked out for her.

The song High Hopes is from the Pink Floyd album Division Bell. The version played as a swan song was the 2014 reissue on vinyl, played on a Sony PS-X500.

 

02:00 Reflections

      Over the past month or so, I have discovered a whole new world of people. People from all over the Earth, each with their own unique set of circumstances. Each person with a story to tell. Despite our different upbringings, our different politics, our different beliefs, and our different nationalities I believe that we have found a surprisingly massive amount of shared ground. This small part group of outbound exchange students going to one country, with a single organization, has shown an unbelievable sense of camaraderie and support amongst its members. Without even having met in person, it seems as though we all already know each other, we seem to innately have a grasp of each others problems. There is a certain subliminal understanding that we are all going through the same trials at the core, albeit in slightly varying forms. This network of like-minded individuals creates an atmosphere where we can be ourselves. It is this shared empathy that allows people to connect with one another. To really start to care for each other. This group of people is quite literally  an insane family now, complete with all the requisite characters. Whether it is an emoji explosion or extended debate over charts, it seems as though we are almost always having fun.

      This familial nature of the group gives you a great desire to meet everyone that you have been talking to for the past month. But it is when that hope is dashed that the most sadness comes. We have had two people that have been forced to drop out of the program in the last week because of circumstances outside their control.

       To our crazy Latvian, I hope that things work themselves out in the end and you get to come to Germany with us and share in our experiences. And be careful with that dancing.
Update: I am glad that things worked out for you. See you in Germany!

       To our lost Dominican,  Do not fear of not being remembered. Although you will not be with us in body, you will be with us in spirit and never forgotten.


      As one person pointed out today, this really is the wonder of time zones. No matter what time it is, there is always someone there to talk to.

      This exchange has already given me so much before I've even stepped foot in Germany. I can only imagine what lies ahead.

The Origins of the Beginnings of a Journey

Hello, my name is Grant and I am a high school junior from suburban Ohio that applied for the prestigious State Department CBYX (Congress-Bundestag Youth Exchange) Scholarship to live and study abroad in Germany for one academic year. This blog is my attempt to document my life leading up to the exchange, my time in country, and the time immediately after my return to these United States of America.

Now, some backstory.

Summer 2013

It was during the midpoint of band-camp that I seriously began to consider exchange. I had been thinking about it for years, ever since seeing something about foreign exchange students on one of my childhood PBS shows. This idea had been bouncing around in my head for a while in high school, but I had never acted upon it until this point. Travel has always appealed to me for some reason. The long road trips to the beach, or the long waits in airport security have never bothered me. Contrary to most people, I love airports. They have an electric sense of excitement, people coming, people going, everyone with somewhere to go, a story for every destination. This carefully choreographed chaos makes me feel alive. But that point is greatly overridden in the case of student exchange for one very important reason. STUDENT EXCHANGE IS NOT A VACATION. It is life in another culture for a year, not an extended vacation. I embrace this concept because it allows me to satisfy my main passion: Knowledge. I want to know and experience what it is like to live in another culture. I want to understand the culture. I want to understand why things happen as they do. And in this case I want to learn about and experience the German culture, but also to understand it.

So it came to pass that I did finally act on my dream of going on exchange to Germany. I googled Germany exchange program scholarship and immediately found CBYX. I read through the first page and resolved to apply, and somehow get myself to Germany before college.

Fall/Winter 2013/2014

The application came out for AFS during the middle of the government shutdown in October. I had been checking everyday for it since mid September and was so excited to get started on it. Over the course of the next few months I worked steadily on the application until Winter Break. Over those ten days, I put almost ten hours a day into those essays and went through around nine versions of each one. I put everything I had into those. Then, on the second to last day of Winter Break, with the deadline closing in on me fast I hit submit button. After I submitted it, I felt sick. It was the entirety of the purpose of the previous three months of my life coalescing into one click to determine whether or not my dream would become reality.

Winter/Spring 2014

The interviews were announced a few weeks after the final application deadline. On the day of mine it snowed an unbelievable amount and made the quest to the interview the most stressful, harrowing drive of my life. More on the interviews sometime in the future.

Spring 2014

It was the week after I had been on the Americanism and Government Test Award Trip (see References page) and was at my local Legion talking about my experience when I received the news about my application status. The email said that I had been selected as an alternate. The news although happy in a way was saddening. I still did not know where I was going to be next year. I responded to the email's prompt about accepting your place as an alternate and participated in the first conference call.

Now fast forward to May 2nd, 2014. I was sitting in German class reading after having just completed a quiz. Then my phone vibrated. It vibrated once for an email. I got my tablet out to see what it was, never for one second thinking that it could be the email that I had been waiting for for a month. When I turned on the tablet, I saw "CBYX Status Change RESPONSE REQUIRED" in my Gmail. I almost stopped breathing for a few seconds. After collecting myself, I clicked the notification and read the email. At the "Dear Grant, Congratulations!" part I knew that my dream had finally been realized. I had the chance to go on exchange to Germany. For a few moments I sat at my desk not knowing what to do. Then I got up, showed my German teacher the email, and asked if I could call my Dad. He said yes, so I called my Dad and told him the news. We were both ecstatic that I could finally achieve the dream that I had worked so hard for.

More to come.